Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
