no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Too much gin, very little bucket
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
