sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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