I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
