i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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