If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
