i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
