Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
