Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
