I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
