i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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