and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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