I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
