There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize