You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize