I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
