No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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