She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
