he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
