Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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