hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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