I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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