Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
