So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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