if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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