Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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