My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My ATM looks so different sober.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
