I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Damn victory sex feels great
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
