He is an equal opportunity slut.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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