I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
