do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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