I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
