We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
