i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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