those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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