rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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