thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
