SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
