just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
