How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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