Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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