Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
