the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
