bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
