You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just fell off a train. Bad.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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