i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
