i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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