We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
