Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
