ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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