Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
