You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
