I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
