he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
only if we run a train.
done.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize