So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
