So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I want a musical about memes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
