That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
high people should be assigned attendants
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
