i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
