so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize