He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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