I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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