Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
