i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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