I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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