Apparently you make a good broom.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize