we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
