I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
