you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
