God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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