omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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