What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
