it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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