you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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