its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
