roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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