we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
