Where is the hickey?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
