Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
