Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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