You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
