mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
