I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My ass is underappreciated
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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