its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
