Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
