just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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