Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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