is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
