My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
