what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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