Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
