Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
