eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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