Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize