I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
