right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Couch. On fire.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
