Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
