All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
