I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
