We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
