so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize