Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
