Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
