I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
